XIRAN, Chinese History Educational Memer
@XiranJayZhao
Sat Sep 05 21:06:41 +0000 2020

ALL RIGHT YOU GUYS READY TO WATCH ME LOSE MY MARBLES FOR 2 HOURS?? (but less because i watch on double speed). Livetweeting #Mulan, the thread: https://t.co/ff8mfHA7Zz

why are you telling this to your ancestors i'm already confused https://t.co/T1rwWnfTK6

UMMMMM IN TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE, QI IS SOMETHING THAT GOES THROUGH EVERYONE, SO THERE CAN'T BE SUCH A THING AS "only boys can wield qi"??? https://t.co/4h7EXdUAfw

I could also not believe that this movie has Mulan living in a distinctly southern Chinese Tulou when Mulan is a northern Chinese tale https://t.co/gLt0y74ZO1

mulan stepped on the wing of this sculpture and the wing just fell off...how shoddy is the craftsmanship here... https://t.co/QaQ0G4lZOH

just another regular day in rural ancient china https://t.co/5WWFHj0vOA

i don't have a problem with lil mulan's aesthetic, it's very Rural Ugly Chic lol https://t.co/zqCTBfFXSI

a man who isn't a pussy ass lil bitch is who https://t.co/01HBY7tcD6

......WITCH? why not like....malevolent spirit??? witches are not a Chinese thing?????? (at least, not one that's regularly used to demonize women? Fox Spirit fills that role) https://t.co/08d7K4Hjno

okay i know Chinese phoenixes and western phoenixes have gotten muddled so much that it doesn't matter at this point, but I want to note that traditionally, Chinese phoenixes don't do the Rise From Ashes thing. that's confounded from Western legends. https://t.co/WKGsjxpraq

once again, qi is in everyone!! goddamn, it doesn't discriminate!! https://t.co/LU0c4qq81b

OH NO DID THEY GIVE MULAN A MYSTIC SUPERPOWER OR SOMETHING

THEY MADE HER CHINESE ELSA????? https://t.co/Hni9tOe4WP

i've seen some complaints about this "witch" being able to possess people. i don't have a problem with that. Chinese spirits regularly possess people. I just wish she wasn't called a Witch. https://t.co/uLx67aRoaK

this city wall setup is accurate at least. cities in ancient China were generally walled, and you had to go through a gate like this to get in https://t.co/kGsCGcXjpM

the Chinese community @ this movie right now https://t.co/cleUUGgBtA

the Rourans just scaled a wall on foot... i mean....it's a common wuxia thing so i can't be bothered https://t.co/z8FUSgSAuo

this is very clearly inspired by Chang'an / Xi'an, down to the Great Wild Goose Pagoda look alikes in the background. that's neat. https://t.co/BdC32R77D9

The throne room is very pretty!! giving credit where it's due https://t.co/73IP9W3s2Y

this is akin to saying HER BLOOD IS BEYOND IMAGINING

if they wanted to pay homage to how wuxia media uses qi, they'd praise the way she USES that qi, not her qi itself. like, "her 法术 (martial techniques) are beyond imagining" https://t.co/icBUMuKrUd

this sounds...so european fantasy.... https://t.co/CVhJQTYaRd

i also don't have a problem with the Witch (can i just call her the Spirit to make myself more comfortable) being able to transform into a bird. that's common in Chinese myth. https://t.co/fL9fC81m55

step on me https://t.co/5Bb2PLLcLg

ugh, so they really are going with the very Western trope of "person is born with uncontrollable, demonized superpowers"

this is just not a thing i see that often in Asian stories? Asian protagonists actively work and work hard for their abilities https://t.co/XI2rO8xpMW

THEN WHY ARE YOU FORCIBLY GENDERING THE RABBITS, MULAN https://t.co/EHCFzSlIEu

ur Asian mom trying to introduce "xxx's son" to you https://t.co/5Fzp0Ov1pR

you are allowed to find this look ugly even though the elements are historically accurate because they really interpreted this in the UGLIEST WAY POSSIBLE https://t.co/r2ymeHM0LO

that's a shame when ur ugly ass makeup has ruined this style in the eyes of westerners who will watch this movie 😔 https://t.co/xZJI2LULv9

(quick plug for my take on makeup iconic to this era)
https://t.co/IgwngcFZ56

im crying @ how ugly her dress is too

DISNEY, ARE YOU INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO MAKE TRADITIONAL CHINESE CLOTHES LOOK BAD https://t.co/8KQuxSonF0

MULAN JUST PULLED A SPIDERMAN 1 CAFETERIA SCENE https://t.co/fBDPpQwVR3

THE RED BANNERS IN THE BACKGROUND IM DYYYYIIIIINNNNG

THEY READ LIKE THE KIND OF ARTICLES YOUR AUNTIES WOULD FORWARD TO THE FAMILY WECHAT GROUP https://t.co/l6ENRn5iCZ

mulan has the FBI motto etched into her sword, how noble https://t.co/mKMcIILMER

LOOK GUYS HUA PING IS BORN https://t.co/QQlTnzPzLf

omg there was like no impact to the dramatic decision scene?? IT WAS LIKE 2 SECONDS and then she just...rides off into the wilderness??? https://t.co/5twSoFRgJq

oh here's the phoenix y'all have been yelling about

it looks fine to me? https://t.co/zjBVuXflda

DONNIE YEN!!!! DONNIE YEN!!!!!!!! DONNIE YEN IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://t.co/yxAap2hUw1

LING, YAO, AND PO ARE ALL HERE!!

BUT I CAN'T TELL WHO IS WHO BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY HALF-NAKED MEN!!!! https://t.co/IxQ8IZOFSA

when a dick pic slides into ur DMs https://t.co/1d11WOt1kd

why and how are there...showers..... https://t.co/9NUfTBNdlw

when u take ur binder off after a long day https://t.co/mhymXawFjG

i am satisfied by this. https://t.co/OywcrEpArk

unless you play the song, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU https://t.co/iHUYVUKfTj

disappointing update: they didn't play the song. it's just donnie yen waving a sword around and then everyone copying him. https://t.co/EhWIe3GNyU

I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS IF Y'ALL ARE NOT CONVEYING THIS VIA A MUSICAL NUMBER https://t.co/gMeXhY9WKM

this is Mulan after beating another soldier with her mystical superpowers

WHY ARE YOU TRYING SO HARD TO BE ELSA, MULAN https://t.co/5bLnLzhPz2

so they spun the Shang character into...this...i guess...... https://t.co/OZ0zCWUhUv

instead of being in the middle of a cheery musical number and abruptly stumbling upon the true horrors of war, it just....cuts to this. there's no emotional impact. https://t.co/d7qXzzjdNL

i'm so done with this movie, mulan randomly ends up alone in the middle of a battle, has a brief meaningless confrontation with the enemy bird spirit, passes out, wakes up, stares at the Truth character on her sword and...decides to shed her armor and loosen her hair https://t.co/QPmd9gF1N6

WHAT IS HAPPENING AND WHY IS SHE DOING BACKFLIPS ON A HORSE IN THIS VERY IMPRACTICAL OUTFIT https://t.co/Eq9n7sGJ0g

THE MOST BAFFLING THING IS SHE DIDN'T LOSE HER HAIRTIE IN BATTLE LIKE WE EXPECTED. SHE TOOK IT OFF HERSELF.

GIRL, DO YOU ENJOY HAIR IN YOUR FACE AS YOU'RE TRYING TO FIGHT PEOPLE????? https://t.co/Qsc1FH1P28

i am actively angry that i still have 50 minutes of this movie to get through https://t.co/72VjSM0C7U

The Birds (1963) https://t.co/8bOJTteLDk

they...killed all of those soldiers...with one cannonball... https://t.co/9NKV7mKZG5

mulan's avalanche plan killed a bunch of her own comrades lol https://t.co/TSVOVVhGzR

wouldn't a male soldier also look like this with his hair down.... https://t.co/1YDK2OnEZQ

ew https://t.co/7ENfXDjYZq

OKAY SO THE BIRD SPIRIT LITERALLY TOLD MULAN BORI KHAN'S TOP SECRET BATTLE PLANS AND THEN JUST LET MULAN RUN OFF TO INFORM THE ARMY https://t.co/SgrCswmjea

this scene would've been nice if it wasn't built up by a series of completely illogical events https://t.co/nYmK9krAKP

lol look it's that corridor that appears in every c-drama ever https://t.co/V9ee2Zesg4

A DUEL???? A DUEL???????????????????

THIS IS ONLY ACCEPTABLE IF THE EMPEROR AND BORI KHAN WHIP OUT THEIR YUGIOH CARDS AND THEN THROW DOWN https://t.co/FTf1SschmN

SO...IN PREPARATION FOR THE EMPEROR AND BORI KHAN'S EPIC MATCH OF YUGIOH: THE TRADING CARD GAME, THEY REDIRECTED EVERY SINGLE CITY GUARD TO A SINGLE SQUARE.... https://t.co/AsFhXNSvRD

the emperor walked into the most obvious trap in fake chinese history and then started doing bed sheet kung fu https://t.co/3HnVHXIlKE

im sobbing this is objectively one of the dumbest movies i've ever seen https://t.co/B4NQLGHd7r

didn't you know??? this is how all Asian people travel through narrow spaces https://t.co/dBqzv76Kn1

MULAN, LOOK AT HER!! SHE DOESN'T NEED YOUR DUMB NOBLE PATH!!!!! https://t.co/mUFVxOPw8x

yeah i'm very confused, the whole capital had like 12 people in it https://t.co/BWYYo1etAy

SHE WAS LITERALLY ALONE IN THE THRONE ROOM WITH MULAN AND THEN FLEW OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT https://t.co/nz5PwckWHS

mulan teleported outside the capital and bori khan tried to shoot her and then the bird spirit TOOK THE ARROW FOR HER

BITCH WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST KILL THE KHAN YOUR DAMN SELF AND DECLARE YOURSELF EMPRESS AND MAKE MULAN YOUR GENERAL https://t.co/8bZR2gwBLj

MY BRAIN HURTS!!!! I HATE THIS MOVIE!!!!! THERE'S STILL 25 MINUTES OF IT!!!!!!!

GOODBYE FBI SWORD WE WON'T MISS YOU https://t.co/OKRfARh3vQ

ANOTHER SCENE THAT WOULD'VE BEEN GREAT IF IT HAD ANY EMOTIONAL BUILDUP WHATSOEVER!!!!! https://t.co/NR9rd9ZK2y

mulan finally showing off moves learnt from her mentor, Ip Man https://t.co/PZKf6RRY33

oh yeah it's so great that bori khan conveniently fell to his death so the kids don't have to contemplate the ethics of mulan murdering someone for real https://t.co/aDzJDN87fU

never mind he's not dead. he shot an arrow...and then the emperor caught it with his bare hand. this greatly vexed bori khan. https://t.co/C9TIaVsy4k

the emperor throws the arrow into the air. mulan KICKS IT INTO BORI KHAN!!!!!!!!!!! KICKS IT!!!!! https://t.co/62pHOa3XJh

oh my god i was so terrified for a second that the emperor made mulan a court lady https://t.co/nQ4mcsFsFJ

oh...were they supposed to be a thing.... https://t.co/h2A3Ebpxou

the emperor gave her a new FBI sword...yay... https://t.co/VHgbIfT5oS

OH NO

NONO NONOANOANONONO https://t.co/SFkfPb4rFV

IT'S OVER!!! IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!

I AM EXHAUSTED IN MIND, BODY, AND SOUL

THAT WAS LEGIT ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER WITNESSED WITH MY TWO EYES

NOT EVEN BECAUSE OF THE WHITE PEOPLE WRITING ASIANS NESS BUT BECAUSE IT'S LEGIT JUST BAD ALL AROUND????? https://t.co/h3gdkHl6M9

the chief reason why #mulan is absolutely terrible: https://t.co/BFGMbVo6oN

anyway instead of watching Mulan, here are the links to my tweet collections about Chinese history 😔: https://t.co/aATtiwc0EP https://t.co/agXfuJJCsI

oh and lemme plug my book that's getting published in Fall 2021 because i'm mad at white people writing Asian stories. It's a Pacific Rim x The Handmaid's Tale retelling of China's only female emperor.

Goodreads: https://t.co/0maa4qQFgc

https://t.co/DIzrwXM5WX

Sun Sep 06 00:48:50 +0000 2020