ALL RIGHT WHO WANTS TO SEE ME SUFFER FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT & EDUCATION
BECAUSE HERE I GO WITH EVERYTHING CULTURALLY RIGHT AND WRONG WITH MULAN II (2004), THE THREAD: https://t.co/5jRCCCOp5F
Disclaimer: Culture is subjective so some of what feels "off" to me is gonna be personal opinion as a single Chinese person, but a lot will also be pointing out factual errors like them trying to write hero 英雄 but the 雄 is missing its whole right half??? https://t.co/TJFCNy6bVC
ANYWAY the movie starts with George Takei praising Mushu for helping save China in Mulan 1998
just a fun fact but the scepter he's holding is called a ruyi, a Buddhist symbol of power that possibly originated as a backscratcher. you see it a lot in Chinese buddhist art. https://t.co/tD17xkUkAt
....why is Mushu even getting treated like an emperor for barely helping in Mulan 1998? Why do the ancestors have to let him STEP OVER THEM now??
Why? What would happen to them if they refused to listen??
IT MAKES NO SENSE https://t.co/8oKDZRd3Op
not even gonna bother with the las vegas lights. it's just the style of anachronistic joke Disney liked to do in this era.
have fun bathing in old people spirit spit, Mushu https://t.co/vPCqqRKTmQ
NGL I genuinely liked how pretty this ink brush style opening sequence was though. I'd even say it was done better than the original Mulan one. https://t.co/GkkN8kOVM9
Grandma appears to be doing I Ching divination, which requires 3 coins. But you don't PUT the coins in any particular place, you're supposed to flip them 6 times to derive a hexagram depending on how many heads and tails you get in each flip
more info: https://t.co/hAboYn6T2J https://t.co/a0avYLnfel
oh and the sticks suggest she was also doing Kau Chim? which is where you put ~100 sticks in a bucket, each with a number on it, and shake one out while asking a question. then you look up what fortune the number indicates. https://t.co/hvr7rnp5Iq
The page she's holding just lists the numbers 1 - 20. 9 is what's circled. We can only guess how this relates to her betting pool 😂 https://t.co/urd0CC7GxR
why is mulan's dad betting against his mom anyway? that implies she has her own money to lose...which she wouldn't?? this is ancient china? she's his MOM?
ALL OF HIS MONEY IS HER MONEY, LMAOOO https://t.co/BgQANe2TqH
Rakes WERE a common weapon in ancient China. I mean, what else is a peasant gonna grab during the bicentennial farmer's uprising?
obligatory mention of Zhu Bajie and his signature 9-toothed rake https://t.co/X7x0t3Gc3p
not necessarily something that *needs* to be represented in English, but in China it's super rude to call someone of a higher social status by their full name. this kid would be more likely to say Mulan-jiejie (Big Sister Mulan) instead https://t.co/4pS3lI4e5b
lol i actually liked this Lesson Number One song and the message it sends. too bad this movie itself didn't learn this lesson. https://t.co/PNWLw8jGW9
THEN OUR LOCAL BISEXUAL LEGEND LI SHANG SHOWS UP IN COOL ARMOR
helmet is likely anachronistic tho because the earliest example of this type of phoenix wing helmet is from the late Tang dynasty, a solid 300+ years after the era Mulan is supposed to take place in https://t.co/LW2h2AZZWB
Mulan era armor would look more like this:
(though the pic is from early Tang) https://t.co/UjHoThBe2r
CONGRATULATIONS FA ZHOU YOU HAVE ROBBED YOUR MOTHER OF WHAT LITTLE PERSONAL SAVINGS SHE MANAGED TO COLLECT AS AN ELDERLY WOMAN IN ANCIENT CHINA https://t.co/lj3F65BqHb
OH MAN YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING ABOUT MUSHU IN THIS MOVIE IS
HE'S NOT VOICED BY EDDIE MURPHY
HE'S VOICED BY MARK MOSELEY, A SOUNDALIKE...WHO IS WHITE https://t.co/Hy8d64oDlY
mushu can you PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY
HOW WOULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT MULAN WOULD HAVE TO JOIN HER HUSBAND'S ANCESTRAL TEMPLE ONCE SHE MARRIES https://t.co/kvHQ26dj46
NO, MUSHU
IN TRADITIONAL CHINESE WEDDINGS YOU DON'T GO ANYTHING BUT RED & GOLD
STRAIGHT UP BLINDING, TACKY LEVELS OF RED & GOLD https://t.co/bYzMq4XFva
that is, in fact, not what the scroll says
you know what it says??
GRASS RADICAL, GOAT, MOUTH, EARTH, KING, PERSON, SUN, I, NO, TWO, BOAT, THREE, INNER, AGAIN- https://t.co/EG2N2afBel
actually i'm pretty sure the seal script on the steles are nonsense too because the leftmost and rightmost ones are straight up copy and pastes of each other https://t.co/hoJdJUGQ80
shang i love u but shut the fuck up. only the person with the uterus gets to decide. https://t.co/x5riqjKZgH
woooow mulan and shang are so different. one likes blue and the other one likes pink!!! https://t.co/UFe8o5lqbE
What's accurate here is that Mulan's mom would indeed refer to Mulan's dad's great-great-grandparents as her own. they probably don't literally have the same biological great-great-grandparents. otherwise...um https://t.co/3pAUgqJEpg
Surprising though that Shang got the yin half (associated with femininity) while Mulan got the yang half (associated with masculinity)
i always knew they were a queer couple https://t.co/mCYRHhkZDv
every comment on r/relationships
lmao i'm kidding. most of the relationships on there absolutely need to be broken apart. https://t.co/yQD4BRbBPK
damn what the hell happened to the imperial capital between Mulan 1998 and Mulan II 2004
y'all downsized?? https://t.co/jA34pEqn3U
WHY ARE THE MONGOLS INVOLVED WITH THE NORTHERN WEI DYNASTY NOW
IM WEEPIN https://t.co/MmZ8TQHsaf
no, Shang, they will not. they will lose to the Mongols. like everybody else.
it's okay, nothing to be ashamed of. they were the Mongols. https://t.co/bUAFgnj2N0
OHH!! CANON CONFIRMATION THAT THIS IS THE NORTHERN WEI DYNASTY!!
YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME AND MY HISTORICAL JUDGEMENT NOW, MULAN II
FIRST OFF, THEY'D NEVER ACTUALLY CALL THEMSELVES THE "NORTHERN" WEI LOOL THAT'S A TERM USED BY HISTORIANS
THEY'D JUST CALL THEMSELVES THE GREAT WEI https://t.co/isfNMcsKKm
AND U KNOW WHAT?? GRANDMA HAD A CALENDAR THAT SAID IT WAS THE YEAR OF THE FIRE RABBIT
WITH THE CONFIRMATION THAT THIS IS NORTHERN WEI (386-534), I CAN CONCLUDE THAT MULAN II (AND PROBABLY MULAN 1998 BY EXTENSION) CAN ONLY TAKE PLACE IN THE YEAR 427 OR 487
BAM!! https://t.co/o7JHPATobd
oh and in case any of you weren't sure - no, Qui Gong was not a real country. I have no idea if it's supposed to reference a real country.
I mean Lord Chin is a possible reference to the First Emperor of China...but why? https://t.co/rmQgfkC0ib
fun fact, China (or the 3+ dynasties in China then) actually did lose to the Mongols because they were too focused on taking out local enemies (even allying WITH the Mongols to do so) and didn't ally against the Mongols until it was too late https://t.co/SCYInryl4l
u know you've grown up when the adults in Disney movies make way more sense than the protagonists
(historically, China does in fact have a tradition of making marriage alliances with northern nomad tribes to keep them from attacking) https://t.co/YSVZr9ZMad
ALSO since this is confirmed Northern Wei, the emperor's yellow robes are probably inaccurate because the first emperor to be recorded to have worn yellow as an imperial color was Emperor Wen of Sui, at least a hundred years later https://t.co/9PdF7hnC3L
WHAT THE HELL IS THE GOLDEN DRAGON OF UNITY
THE CHINESE GOD OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE IS YUE LAO, THE OLD MAN UNDER THE MOON, WHO CONNECTS LOVERS WITH THE RED THREAD OF FATE
NOT EVERYTHING CHINESE HAS TO BE DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS LMAOO https://t.co/64vC7v0sWX
me @ 99% of the dudes who try to flirt with me https://t.co/PJfz0zw4Uj
the knowledge that these 3 incels will hook up with the 3 princesses by the end of this movie makes me extremely angry https://t.co/JB5kPPPMNW
please do not ever assume the service workers are into you
please stop https://t.co/Gce4m3nqDo
the poly trio that SHOULD'VE happened https://t.co/8LmMC2hL2B
the hairstyles and shoes of the princesses (and the background characters in general)...surprisingly accurate actually https://t.co/arAOCJ4RGY
Mulan seriously why does this surprise you...you were fully ready to go into an arranged marriage of your own at the beginning of the first movie https://t.co/0Rxr6TLEYH
aww emperor is at least a little sad about it
u know what tho? many cases of marriage alliances in Chinese history didn't even use real daughters of the emperor. more often they just chose some random palace girl and was like "ok emperor adopting you, you're a princess now, go" https://t.co/UGMQ5IvgFN
Honshu pass...why are y'all passing the main island of Japan https://t.co/YDnwVKXsQW
how come every travel montage through an Asian country needs to have a shot of them passing by a farm being worked on by a female farmer https://t.co/1lT2BEr99h
MULAN IT IS LITERALLY THE HAPPINESS OF 3 PRINCESSES VS THE SAFETY OF YOUR ENTIRE COUNTRY
THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR LIBERAL FEMINISM https://t.co/puzMDsnnRp
shut the fuck up immediately i am begging
(China doesn't refer to itself as "China." We say Zhongguo, "Middle Kingdom"...which this movie also uses later on??? can we have some consistency????) https://t.co/sITdP8PbO6
Ting Ting is the only princess with her head on right. Shame it didn't last. https://t.co/Mnt0Mvn718
why do their meal rations look more like the offerings you'd leave at your ancestral altar than food for travel https://t.co/LbcitCShn9
oh boy if you're gonna be eating pomegranates in a carriage, it's gonna be a MESS
(though, fun fact, pomegranates are actually an auspicious fruit for Chinese weddings, because the seeds allude to having lots of children asdf;ljds) https://t.co/vZmrnQMbXh
I mean....if your duty is to form an alliance to stop the Mongols from attacking your country and your heart is telling you to hook up with some guy you're only gonna know for 3 days... https://t.co/85nF0ppbMr
Okay, here...Shang says they're going back on the road, but then it cuts directly to Mushu messing with him and Mulan fishing?? https://t.co/Eu60YGfnrY
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO BISEXUAL LEGEND LI SHANG https://t.co/eRdSKyiie9
I cannot believe we are going to have to cancel Li Shang, bisexual legend, for the surfacing of these photos https://t.co/ppwEwKzsX5
ok the way the visual gag of the bandage actually tangled into the carriage wheel and caused the whole thing to fall down a cliff?? the movie sure...did that https://t.co/GLxF7Ypd75
i cannot believe i was subjected to witnessing this dog play with my own two eyes by Mulan II (2004) https://t.co/N0TRHscAb1
MULAN??? WHAT IS THIS LOGIC
WHAT IF THE NEAREST TOWN IS LIKE 5 DAYS AWAY
YOU HAVE LESS THAN 3 https://t.co/bu317boOzp
MULAN, THE SAFETY OF YOUR OWN COUNTRY IS AT STAKE, SHANG IS IN THE RIGHT IN THIS https://t.co/cnmSzSU5iv
WHAT IS IT WITH WESTERNERS AND THIS TIRED ASS JOKE
IT DOESN'T EVEN WORK IN THIS CASE, THEY'RE IN THE GODDAMN WILDERNESS https://t.co/HFLWlnJnjZ
WHAT HAVE THE WRITERS OF THIS DISNEY-FORSAKEN SEQUEL DONE TO MULAN AND SHANG, QUEER COUPLE OF LEGEND https://t.co/ejVeUno0Gr
The letter actually has proper Chinese on it, though it reads a little too colloquial (I'd change 实在不能 to 实在无法), and it never gets to the "my duty is to my heart" part. It stop at "I cannot complete-" https://t.co/77qyjg53z3
ah yes, instead of insisting that they are NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS, the princesses want to actively BE LIKE OTHER GIRLS. true revolutionaries. https://t.co/oEdKQxNIJp
Pillows in ancient China would not have been stuffed with feathers. They were hard and made of wood or porcelain instead. https://t.co/L6SgzcA8uH
i would like to sue this movie for emotional damages for what it did to my boy Li Shang, bisexual legend https://t.co/IsKiv2QZAy
you know what, everyone in this movie sucks so much that this is actually valid advice by this point https://t.co/qAgSQwesbL
once again, that line never ended up getting written on the letter, lol https://t.co/wKIsfzwHyS
this Fu Manchu mustache is also kind of racist 😭 https://t.co/WZv7hgfpzK
OKAY SO....ATTILA'S REIGN WAS FROM 434 - 453
ASSUMING THAT GOSSIP ABOUT THE SHIT HE DID IN EUROPE ACTUALLY MADE IT TO CHINA, WE CAN REMOVE 427 AS A POSSIBLE YEAR FOR THIS MOVIE
BASED ON CANON EVIDENCE, MULAN II DEFINITIVELY TAKES PLACE IN THE YEAR 487 CE https://t.co/sxUOUrR4UZ
You know...if this movie was realistic, this actually would've been an amazing ominous reference to a Chinese saying that refers to something illusionary: "The Flower in the Mirror; the Moon in the Water." https://t.co/dK3DNBfak2
MULAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME
HOW IS IT ANY BETTER THAT THESE PRINCESSES ARE HOOKING UP WITH THEIR GUARDS, WHO THEY'VE KNOWN FOR LESS THAN 3 DAYS https://t.co/habdlXMMuE
OH NO MULAN IT'S EXACTLY AS BAD AS IT SEEMS https://t.co/kcw3tpmTZk
you know, if the plot wasn't completely asinine, this actually would've made a really interesting conflict for a Mulan sequel https://t.co/FWlJlEpEc7
EXCUSE ME??? LI "FOUGHT WITH YOU FOR THE WHOLE CLIMAX OF MULAN 1998" SHANG DOESN'T TRUST HIS HEART???? https://t.co/Hp2l9nNuFe
why is there a takeout container here...why........ https://t.co/ZELQZzGPP0
Mushu, horrifyingly selfish for this whole movie so far, suddenly cracks out of guilt???? https://t.co/ak467YO27U
THIS SCENE TOO...goddamn why couldn't the script have been better
it makes me sad to think that so many people must've put so much work into this universally hated movie https://t.co/mVEnljztOo
what's with Disney's insistence on putting these impossibly huge calligraphy scrolls in throne rooms?? https://t.co/SMUsdazz9f
