For anyone interested, the idiot son and his new girlfriend announced in an email to us they intend to "drop by" on their holiday drive to Lake Como in July.

《Sigh》

He was kind enough to provide a detailed breakdown (unwanted by me) of his activities during the pandemic or "planned-demic" as he called it. As he put it,

"Dave, it was all the elite testing what we would put up with, how far could they push us" he claims he's 'Prepared"

It seems he's building a bunker "out in the woods" which considering he lives in Hemel Hempstead seems a little unwise but who am I to argue? He's also going to be, "scoping out bunker locations in France and Italy"

In addition he has a new vehicle, a Land Rover camper conversion which he calls his "bug out car". As he put it,
"I'm ready to go at a moments notice" He's driving it to Italy as a,
"E and E test"

People may be interested to know that the lady in the Mayor's office (she of the new dress) is apparently beyond excited to hear that the idiot son is returning.

We have already had a number of people calling in this morning asking to confirm if he is indeed returning. One man is planning his holiday around the date. Idiot son left quite the impression on his previous visits.

I forgot to mention he also has a theory that some Nazi gold is hidden in Lake Como, he's looking to rent scuba gear even though he knows nothing about diving and the gold theory is based on a story told to him by his friend, 'Tony the sausage'

He told me all this because as he said,
"You have a swimming pool Dave so you must be good at swimming, you could help me with learning about this scuba game"

He offered "a good drink" in return for my help. I have declined.

I made the mistake of asking who 'Tony the sausage' is. Apparently he runs a roadside van selling sausage sandwiches etc and is,
"a big name in the Luton prepper community'. IS assures me he's
'Dead reliable with his info and knowledge, 100% kosher"

He went on,

"You have to follow a footpath called the Sentiero del Viandante until you get to a rock shaped like two camels. Then is 500 yards straight out into the water and bobs your uncle, millions in gold. Piece of cake he reckons"

I told him I thought all this was very unlikely and if 'Tony the sausage' knew this why didn't he get the gold himself. He replied,
"Tony's wife has hidden his passport after he was arrested in Prague for being drunk in a dog washing parlour"

I reiterated that the chances of there being any gold was zero but he said,

"It's there Dave, I'm sure of it, in fact I decided earlier this morning I'm not going to wait until the summer. I'm getting the week off and coming soon, I'll text you when"

Now I have an email from a woman named Roz who is, it seems his new girlfriend, she said,

"I know you are his friend, he talks about you all the time, please look after him. He's really easily influenced and doesn't always make good choices"

I have just told my wife about a possible Idiot Son visit, she shuddered and has retreated to her bathroom for a long soak to relax. As she walked upstairs she shouted,
"Bring Champagne!"

A text from the Idiot Son's father,

"Do what you can to talk him out of this treasure hunt otherwise it's going to be like Whitstable all over again and next time there will not be vet so close by to help"

I had no idea what he was alluding to so I texted back,

"What happened in Whitstable?" He replied,

"I told you, the incident with the badger, the grass snake and the BMW sidecar.

I sent back, "I don't think we have ever discussed that". He replied to me with that irritating assurance of the chronicly over confident. "Yes, we have. He'd had a drink and borrowed the sidecar but didn't know the badger and snake were in a cage in the footwell."

I could think of no better reply than,

"Well as you say, things do tend to happen to him" to which his father replied,

"All his life my friend, all his life. He's been a short step from A&E his entire existence. This gold affair is sure to end in tears"

Email from Idiot Son.

"This diving business, do you think I'll need a boat or can I just swim out from shore? Got any local contacts in Italy that could help?"

Text message from IS

"Do you know anyone who knows anything about mini submarines?"

My reply was clear,

"No and I don't think you should be involved with subs or scuba diving"

He texted back,

"He who dares wins Dave"